AFFLATUS HIJAB

We are naming our next piece after Linda Hoang, who struggled with infertility for nearly a decade (9.5 years). As of today, Linda has a toddler who is a boy and their miracle baby. He was conceived naturally, despite trying different medical interventions over the course of nearly a decade, including three failed IUIs and one failed IVF treatment.

When asked how infertility impacted her mental or emotional well-being, Linda explained that for a long time—before they chose to open up about their infertility—the “secret,” quiet shame of infertility, and feeling like they couldn’t tell anyone, took a toll. It felt like they were lying to everyone around them. She especially didn’t like this because she shared so much of her life online; to have this huge part of her life be something they didn’t speak about, while posting happy trips, good food, or cool weekend adventures, started to feel very disingenuous—like they were being fake or lying.

This also happened in in-person conversations. When people would ask what they’d been up to, and you’re someone dealing with infertility, it felt very fake to respond that you were doing well or that nothing really was new—knowing that possibly that very morning you were crying over the toilet after another failed pregnancy test.

When she decided to open up about her infertility struggles, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

When asked what the hardest part of infertility is that people don’t talk about, Linda explained that it’s simply the everyday interactions that naturally bring up the topic of children and families. There is a normalization of a certain life path for people (get married, have kids, etc.), as well as expectations that have been drilled into society. When you’re struggling with infertility, even casual conversations from people in your life about their children can be challenging.

Now that she has a child, she is even more aware of these conversations—in friend groups and even with strangers—a default assumption that everyone has children or families, or can relate to those experiences, where those topics often dominate conversations. She emphasizes the importance of being more mindful of the different lived experiences of people in any group setting.

When asked what emotions she feels most often that people don’t see, Linda explained devastation each month when they learned they weren’t pregnant, and jealousy of those who appear to be able to conceive so easily. These aren’t things people struggling with infertility show, but they are certainly inside them, in their hearts and in their heads, and it can weigh on you immensely.

When asked what helped her get through moments of grief and uncertainty, Linda explained that having such a solid partner in the infertility journey—a solid support system, whoever that may be in your life—is incredibly important when facing the grind and uncertainty. Her husband, Mike, and she were always on the same page. Their approach was choosing each other first, and the infertility or baby they desperately wanted was still secondary.

Communicating clearly, talking about how you’re feeling, and checking in after disappointing moments were also helpful. Not bottling things up because that only makes it worse.

When asked what people say about infertility that is hurtful, even if they mean well, Linda explained that there is a growing trend of fertility wellness coaching, and she strongly rejects the idea that someone might not be thinking positively enough, or that their mindset is the reason they’re struggling to conceive. She heard this a few times during her infertility journey—not often, but enough—and she believes this growing industry is terrible because it preys on extremely vulnerable and desperate people.

Everyone’s journey and perspective are different, and lessons or rationales vary, but on a surface level, asking someone if they’ve tried to “think positively” about the situation is not helpful.

When asked what she wished people would stop asking her about infertility, Linda explained that once they opened up about their struggles, they made a point to tell anyone who asked when they were planning on having kids that they had been struggling for years. That usually shut the question down pretty quickly. For the most part, people mean well, and these questions become automatic because society has taught us to see this as the “next step” in life.

When asked what compassionate support actually looks like to her, Linda explained that it’s people who are open to listening without judgment or advice. She thinks there’s a tendency to offer advice, when sometimes people just want to be heard. Advice can be helpful—they received a lot of it, some helpful and some not—but it’s about knowing the time and place, or presenting it in a way that’s less about “what you’re doing wrong” and more about “I heard this,” and leaving it there for the person to decide whether they want to explore it further.

She also appreciated friends who knew they were struggling to conceive and were mindful when inviting them to baby showers, children’s birthdays, or other child-focused events—saying, “I want you to know you’re invited, but you don’t need to come if it would be too hard.” Proactively giving people that understanding and option to opt out is incredibly meaningful.

When asked what advice she would give other women walking the same path, Linda said she will always tell women that the healthcare system is not designed for us women. You have to be your biggest health and fertility advocate. One of her biggest frustrations during infertility was the amount of time between appointments. The system moves incredibly slowly.

You can’t even be referred to a gynecologist unless you state that you’ve been trying unsuccessfully for a year. She actively tells women who think they want to have children to tell their doctor they’ve already been struggling for a year, as this can help expedite the process. Women shouldn’t need to be in a relationship to take steps to better understand and proactively explore their fertility options.

You need to be your biggest advocate. And talk about this with your friends and family—don’t keep it bottled up.

Product Description  

The bottoms of this set are effortlessly comfortable and designed for all-day wear. Featuring an elastic waistband, they offer a relaxed, flexible fit that moves with you perfect for lounging at home or styling as part of a casual, chic look. Pair them with the matching half-zip top for a coordinated set that feels as good as it looks.

The soft stone color makes it an ideal transition piece for the end of winter into spring, pairing beautifully with your favorite neutrals or pastels.

Complete the look with the matching bottoms for a chic, put-together loungewear set that’s perfect for relaxing at home or running errands in effortless style.

Material is 100% Acrylic 

Size Guide

*Just a reminder with sizing you double the waist and since it is an elastic band waist add 2-4 inches.*

Small- Waist: 11"  Pant Length: 40.2"

Medium- Waist: 11.4" Pant Length:40.6"

Large- Waist: 11.8" Pant Length:40.9"

Extra Large- Waist: 12.2" Pant Length:41.3"